There is a lot of talk about how Jesus Christ managed to walk on water. Some say it was actually ice he walked on. Some say it’s bullshit.

However, I the Paddy, after much thought, study, investigation and brow furrowing know what really happened.

This.

I reckon I could damn near walk on water myself under those circumstances.

Like this guy must have.

It seems the new and fantastic Whitesnake album is a success.

Here are the world wide chart positions according to Blabbermouth

“Good To Be Bad” first-week chart positions:

Norway: #5
Finland: #5
Germany: #6
UK: #7
Hungary: #8
Sweden: #10
Austria: #11
Switzerland: #15
Denmark: #18
Canada: #23
Czech Republic: #27
Holland: #33
Italy: #57
USA: #62
France: #69
Belgium: #70

Excellent.

Every now and then a TV show comes along that re writes the rules. Seinfeld was one such show. It was fresh, funny and very entertaining. In one huge swoop, Seinfeld changed the way sit coms were written. It may seem a touch dated now as we close in on a decade since it’s run ended. However it can’t be denied that there are still some sterling moments to be enjoyed.

As Seinfeld changed the face of American comedy in the 1990’s, so My Name Is Earl is changing it in the 2000’s.

The basic premise is this….A total loser and petty criminal named Earl, gets hit by a car and wakes up in hospital. While there he learns about Karma (from Carson Daly no less), and decides to make a list of all the bad things he has done, and try to make them good in an attempt to change his life around.

This is a brilliantly clever concept from a comedy point of view. It gives license to portray all manner of bad behavior and criminal situations, that happened in the “pre list” Earl days. Behavior and situations that would otherwise be taboo as it could be seen to be glorifying a life of crime.

What makes the show even more enjoyable is it’s wonderful supporting cast. Earls dopey brother Randy, his deliciously beautiful ex wife Joy and her new husband Darnell, his illegal immigrant Mexican lady friend Catalina plus a whole gaggle of semi regulars make this simply the best new comedy since Seinfeld.

When it comes to TV comedy, the Americans don’t always get it right, The Nanny, (which was of course, only the far better Who’s The Boss with the roles reversed), Perfect Strangers and of course that terrible show with Bette Midler in it that lasted a whole 6 weeks (from memory) on Aussie TV.

However when they get it right, Get Smart, Welcome Back Kotter, Married With Children, Home Improvement, Seinfeld, and Earl to name a few, it is total joy.

There must be a full moon just now. How else can you explain these moronic actions?

Buswell fesses up to chair-sniffing

WEST Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell has broken down at a press conference and confessed to sniffing the chair of a female Liberal party staff member after she got up.

A grown man in a position or some responsibility….what a turd.

Then there’s this tosser….

Superglue poured in mate’s ear

A MAN poured superglue into his mate’s ear during a drunken prank, leaving him deaf, a court has been told.

That was after he apparently superglued his mates hand to his dick.

Police alleged Mr Upton initially poured superglue on the man’s hand and down his pants as a joke.

Is it any wonder the more I see of the people the more I like my dogs?

Oh yeah, they sniff stuff too Mr. Buswell, but they’re dogs…ya know? You on the other hand, well you’re just another fool in a world full of them.

Another idiot

A WOMAN risked her life and that of her young child when she dashed across a busy level crossing in Murrumbeena this morning.

The pair ignored warning signals and the threat of an oncoming train, to the shock of nearby motorists.

I guess if the train had hit her, it would have been someone else’s fault.

Friggen moron.

I like to get emails from friends. Even if it’s just forwards. There are several people who forward me stuff, you know who you are.

This is a special request directed at ya’all.

I HAVE SEEN THE FUCKING LAUGHING BABY!

At one stage it was arriving almost daily in my inbox. I am over the bloody kid. In fact, if I open one more “this is sooooo cute” email to find that God damn kid cackling at me again, I’ll sneeze at you. (See the post below this one).

NO MORE LAUGHING BABY!

That bloody kid is evil.

I like inventing my own words. I had cause to create one just recently. I sneezed and snot flew out, landing in a slimy little globule on my lap.

When telling Kati about this drama, I had to use past tense. Thus it became “I snat on myself”.

A handy little word that.

< ...insert name here...> Laughed so hard he snat on himself!

I guess one could say “snotted” but thats a long and clumsy word.

You know those Friday The 13th slasher flicks right? Well, there are 10 of them (plus one with Freddy).

OK, now in the very first one the killer was the mother of a child called Jason, who had drowned in a lake while the supervisors were having sex instead of watching out for him. So far so good.

Now, at the end of the first one we are shown a rotting little boy reaching out of the lake in an attempt to drown the last surviving person, who had taken refuge on a small boat.

Now, bear that rotting little boy in mind while we examine the second of the Friday The 13th flicks….#2 opens up pretty much with that last survivor I just mentioned getting stabbed in the head with an ice pick 2 months later.

Now, here is where it all becomes hard to comprehend. The person who stabbed her in the head was a big man. NOT a little boy (and not rotting either). We are led to believe this killer is Jason, the little boy who “drowned”. Soooooo the ponderences here are many. Firstly, how did Jason grow from a rotting little boy to a hulking man in 2 months? Did he not drown at all? If he didn’t drown at all, what was the point of the first “revenge flick” of the series? If he did not drown but hung out in the woods eating berries or some shit, why did he not tell his mother he was alive, thus negating the need for her to seek revenge?

If he did drown, who the hell is doing all the slashing in the following 10 movies? (yeah I know, it was the ambulance driver in #5).

Visit Paddy for all the important ponderings of our time.

This is an open letter to all those arseholes who like to speed up behind me and flash their lights at me in anger because….shock horror, I am doing the speed limit or slightly over.

Here’s the deal….I drive around 200 kilometers a day by necessity, I can not function as a person without a driving license. Therefore…..get stuffed. I will not speed up to suit you, nor will I move over to ease the burden on you that my presence in your way must certainly have.

In fact, I may just save you from a speeding ticket….you arrogant prick. (more…)

After a few years of legal bullshit, Australia’s greatest rock band The Angels have got their act together again!

This is THE most exciting news on the Australian music for….well…..over a decade I reckon.

In their hey day The Angels were without a doubt the best live act in the country. Unfortunately they never really “happened” overseas, prompting one American fan to write

“One of the great mysteries of our time is not whatever happened to Amelia Earhart, but why the heck Angel City (The Angels) never clicked in America.”

Check this out, wild frantic and bloody exhilarating.

I hope Doc Neeson still has that magnetic personality that demands (and gets) your full undivided attention when he performs.

I think perhaps that although he may no longer be quite as manic, the atmosphere will still be electric. There are very few people in Australian rock that are held in as fond esteem as the Doc.

The dates are

JUNE
27th - Golden Stave Charity Luncheon, Hordern Pavilion

JULY
3rd- Souths Junior Leagues Club- Syd NSW
4th- Blacktown RSL- Syd NSW
5th- Revesby Workers Club- Syd NSW
9th- Hallam Hotel- Hallam VIC
10th- Ferntree Gully Hotel- Melb VIC
11th- Doncaster Shopping Town Hotel- Melb VIC
13th- Chelsea Hotel- Melb VIC
18th- Governor Hindmarsh- Ade SA
19th- Governor Hindmarsh- Ade SA
24th- Caloundra RSL- Sunshine Coast QLD
25th- Southport RSL- Gold Coast QLD
26th- North Leagues and Services Club- Bris QLD
31st- Wyong Leagues Club- Central Coast NSW

AUGUST
1st- Waves- Wollongong NSW
2nd- Panthers- Newcastle NSW

Be there!

Well I guess this means I am officially getting old. Kati’s son (my stepson) has a baby girl. I guess that makes her my step grand daughter…..or something. Being that I have no children of my own, she is the closest thing to a grand daughter I will have.

Does that make me a grandpa?

Anyway, she sure is beautiful

She was 6 pound 14 ounces at birth, and popped out on the 10th of April at 6.10AM, and is called Gwenivere Rose Voorhees. OR Gwenny, OR Rose for short.

Kati and I are looking forward to visiting next year.

Should I smoke a pipe and wear a flannel dressing gown like the TV grandpa’s do?

Visit the Gallery for more adorable Gwenness.

I know, I have been going on a bit about Whitesnake lately, but this is the first new album in nearly a decade! For me it’s a huge deal. Having heard the album I can honestly say it’s a killer. There are touches of 1987 in there and more than a few reminders of the pre 1987 era snake as well. All in all, this should satisfy fans and gather a whole new audience. You can hear one new song from it everyday from today onwards. Click on the little bar underneath the cross just above where it says “countdown to next song”.

Just think. If David Coverdale had worn a cowboy hat on the photo shoot, they could have called it a country album………….Like Bob Jovi did.

Being that Cov the master has been voluntarily out of the limelight for many years, I want to help spread the word……Heeees Baaaaaaaaak.

With that in mind, I have decided to help promote the album on this site and the Opinion site.

Click on the picture over on the right so I can get points an stuff, but more importantly spread the word!

Download the flyer Here.

If your sick of hearing total shit sang by talentless bimbos and halfwitted wannabes, help promote this album and contribute to the re birth of rocks greatest voice.

I just want to put on the public record, that I don’t give a shit about that worthless piece of vomit Wayne Carey.

Do something useful and piss off Wayne.

Ok, as promised (I know my regular reader is dying for this), a review with pics of Whitesnake live in Melbourne on the 30th of March.

This was the first time we have ever been to the Palace, formally known as the Metro. It was a pleasant surprise. The place has three levels, and is a great place to see everything nice and close up.

We were right up the front, third people deep from the stage.

The support band was Electric Mary, and they were damn good. I enjoyed every second of them and would have been quite happy to watch them longer. I highly recommend listening to their samples on the My Space page.

Ok the mighty ‘Snake burst on stage just after 10.30 pm. The first thing I noticed was the man has lost none of his vocal ability over the years. None.

I remember the first time I ever heard David Coverdale sing. It was on Burn (God I’m old) his first effort with Deep Purple. I was awestruck. This “new guy” could really belt it out. He could go from a whisper to a full throated bluesy scream effortlessly. Check out Sail Away and Mistreated for evidence of this.

Over the years I have bought his albums religiously, and waited patiently to see the great man live. The first opportunity came way back in the early 90’s. He toured here on the release of a greatest hits compilation. It was great, but this time was fantastic.

The show opened up with the brand new song, Best Years Of My Life. Funnily enough this song is not even released yet, but everyone (myself included) knew every word.

The packed out crowd loved every minute of it. He played a handful of new songs along with a few older ones, most notably Ain’t No Love in The Heart Of The City which comes from the very first Whitesnake recording.

I think the highlights for me personally were Still Of The Night and Burn/Stormbringer. I do like Here I Go Again and Is This Love, but to be perfectly honest, I am a little “over” them.

This year has been the best year of my life in terms of music tours. We saw the best Metal band on earth (Iron Maiden) the best showman on earth (Alice Cooper) the most legendary headbanger on earth (OZZY) and the worlds very best rock singer David Coverdale.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is as good as it gets.

There will be more pictures added to The Gallery in the next few days.

Just a real quickie. David Coverdale is a vocal God. The man needs to be certified a global treasure. We both had a ball. We saw the best singer in rock music. More tomorrow (with pictures). Maybe.

I can die a happy man.

Oh dear Beccy Cole….

Beccy has recently recorded a version of What’s Up (4 Non Blondes) on her Live at Lizzotte’s CD.

The thing is….Bec, I love ya. You are a fantastic entertainer, a brilliant songwriter and I reckon your the bees knees…..BUT, you ain’t Linda Perry. Now, don’t get me wrong, thats a good thing. Specially if I’m gunna have you looking down at me from the wall where the computer is (as I do). Linda is a scary looking chick, but she also has a voice like a chainsaw ala Janice Joplin, Nikki Lamborn. You don’t.

Bad choice…..very very bad.

The snot balls in charge of Earth Hour have decreed that a good way to advertise their self import and let people know we are creating too much gas, is to use a hot air balloon (I swear ya can’t make this shit up).

Todays ponderence is…..

Is using a gas powered hot air balloon to “raise awareness” of global warming (on the off chance that that savage living under a straw roof in darkest Africa who is not yet aware of climate change, may be touring Australia and see the balloon, thus instantly becoming enlightened…..presumably), akin to trying to prevent A.I.D.S by making a pornographic movie showing the participants practicing unsafe sex and doing all that “I’m having a good time” moaning and groaning?

Visit Paddy for all the important questions of our time.

Many of the same people who push Global Warming nonsense also pontificate upon us the need to throw money willy nilly at third world countries in an attempt to drag them into the 21st century.

My ponderence for the day is…. would all the money pissed away on trying to change the weather have been better spent on feeding the starving?

Lets assume for a minute that an affirmative answer is a given (as a normal person indeed, would), do you think there would be any change left over?

To the person who visited this site by entering the following search term into google

In answer to your rather eloquent question. I am.

Is there an issue with this?

Here is Kati and I on Mount Cannibal. There is a slight disagreement about this photo.

I say it’s definitely an “I wuv you soooooooooooo much” gooey picture. Kati says it’s a “wheres my knife and fork” picture.

She looks sort of nervous, like maybe she is about to be boiled and feasted upon. Kind of appropriate considering it was Mount Cannibal.

What do you reckon?

For more Kati and assorted others check out the gallery.

Last night we saw the evergreen Alice Cooper at a very special limited seating show at the Melbourne casino. It was pretty much the same show as last years Psycho Drama tour (it is after all, the same tour, just an encore performance thereof). I think the only changes were he did Cold Ethyl and Dirty Diamonds and dropped Gimmie (what a bummer) and Go To Hell.

It was fantastic being so close to the great man. The venue only held about 800 people and we were in the third row. When Alice came on, Kati jumped the seats and was standing right there in front of him! (This is not abnormal behavior at these shows. It’s only abnormal if you climb over me to do it). She got some pretty good pics.

Here is one of my faves. Singing Elected.

Channeling our own Jon English!

Killing his daughter. How many parents would love to do that night after night?

Later this year the man has a new album called “Along Came A Spider“. I hope this brings him back this way next year sometime. it will take us that long to save up enough money! Oh yeah, if yer reading this Alice, don’t come in July.

To see all the better ones she managed to take, check out the gallery